5: Halloween
Originally emailed on Oct. 31, 1997
Hi there.
It's Halloween. I made costumes for the boys last weekend, little Star Trek outfits. Star Trek: The Next Generation is their favorite show right now; it only comes on in the middle of the night but they come home from school every day and the first thing they want to do is watch the tape. I like the show, too, so I let them watch. It's better than cartoons.
Anyway, Mark is going as Captain Picard, complete with bald head and a very bad English accent he's been practicing all week (I've never understood why Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, who was raised in France, has an English accent). He figured that no matter who Sammy dressed up as, he could order him around. Sam, dressed up as Commander Data, the android, has been engaged in a mutiny all week, and has been arguing, with impeccable android reasoning, that Capt. Picard is an idiot who should be put out the nearest airlock for the good of the universe. This is not Gene Roddenberry's harmonious Enterprise.
They've been putting on their costumes every day to watch the show, and then we have to play like we're on the Enterprise all evening. The boys are mad at me because I refused to be either Counselor Deanna Troi, the Betazed wimp, or the annoying Dr. Beverly Crusher, but insist on alternating between Tasha Yar and Ensign Ro ("but Tasha's dead" they keep reminding me. I say, "Aren't we supposed to dress up like dead things on Halloween?"). Tasha and Ro are much tougher than any of the other girls on the show, and I'm convinced they'd have become lovers if only Tasha hadn't been killed before Ro was pulled out of prison and coerced into serving the Federation (for a supposedly Utopian, egalitarian kind of civilization, the United Federation of Planets can certainly apply the thumbscrews when necessary--but always with a smile).
Wednesday night we baked Halloween cookies shaped liked ghosts, bats, and pumpkins, and frosted them. I meant for the boys to take them to school for the Halloween party, but it turns out their school isn't celebrating Halloween this year, either because it's pagan or because it's not politically correct, I can't remember which. Makes me cranky. But all those cookies are some consolation.
We had big plans for tonight: trick-or-treating and then a mini-party of our own with Harriet and Nona, and Harriet's grandma Miriam. But my plans have been squashed by my ex-husband Sam, who called last night to remind me that, per our custody agreement, Halloween is his holiday this year. I said, "Sam, this is kind of late notice. I've made their costumes and we have plans. Why do you suddenly want to have them this weekend when you hardly ever keep up on your visitation?"
"It's not sudden," he insisted. "I've meant to all along, I just hadn't gotten around to calling. It's our agreement, Lou, all legal. Signed, sealed, and delivered. You have no choice."
I said, "Yet you seem to feel you have a choice about honoring your side of our settlement, such as, oh, child support."
"Speaking of that," Sam said, "I have a check for you. I can drop it by when I pick the boys up tomorrow afternoon. Will 4:00 do?"
"I don't like bribery, Sam," I said, "but I'll give you the boys if you really want them. But that check better be a big one."
It was. Not big enough to bring us up to date, but enough to make a difference. If only it doesn't bounce, we'll get through November OK.
When Sam arrived to pick up the boys, I discovered the reason for his sudden interest in them: a new boyfriend, Michael, who thinks children are "just adorable." "I couldn't believe it when Sam said he had kids. He didn't tell me, can you imagine, but I saw their pictures at his house and I said, 'who are these adorable little tykes, are they your nephews?' Imagine my surprise when he said they were his very offspring! I love kids, especially little boys, and I've always wished I had some of my own. I've even thought of adoption, or of trying to find some nice lesbian to incubate some sperm for me. Oh, sorry, guess I'll have to watch my mouth in front of the little ones. I love their costumes. If I'd known they were dressing as the crew of the Enterprise I'd have thrown something together for me and Sam. He's so grumpy, I'd have made him Worf, the Klingon. But I'd have gone as Deanna Troi. That blue dress she wore in the second season--or was it the third?--was to die for. And all that fake hair! But then again, maybe I'd dress Sam as Riker and then he and Deanna could rekindle their old passion after the boys had gone to bed--oops! There goes my mouth again! Well, we four fellas are going to have a great old time, aren't we?"
Capt. Picard and Cmdr. Data stared at him impassively. "I wanted to go trick-or-treating," Cmdr. Data said. "Aren't we going trick-or-treating, Mom?"
Picard said, "Butthead, Data doesn't say _aren't_. He says _are not_. Right, Mom?"
I said, "That is true, but neither does Capt. Picard call his crew members 'butthead.' Try to keep in character, fellas. Sam, what are your plans tonight?"
Sam said, "There's a big Halloween party at the community center in my condo complex. Lots of kids will be there, games, bobbing for apples. You'll get lots of candy, guys, don't worry, and it's safer than trick-or-treating." The boys seemed unconvinced, but obediently followed their dad to the car.
"You guys have a good time," I said, "and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sunday," Sam said. "I'll bring them home on Sunday."
"Oh," I said. "I didn't realize you meant to keep them all weekend. I only packed one change of underwear."
Michael said, "Uh-oh. And if they wear them two days and are in a car accident, what will the doctors say? Not to worry, Louella, we'll pick a few pairs up tomorrow. They should have necessaries at their dad's anyway. I don't know why they don't have a drawer-full there already. You just relax and enjoy your child-free weekend, and we'll see you Sunday. What do you say we all have brunch? Around 11? Come out to Sam's, I'll fix something nice." And they were gone.
"Well," I said to Hot Rod, "he's certainly a friendly fellow. Did I actually agree to brunch at Sam's? If that relationship lasts more than a week, things are going to get interesting around here."
I'm trying to take Michael's advice and enjoy a weekend as a non-Mom. Harriet and Nona and I have decided to go out tonight; we're going to dinner and a movie (Miriam may join us for that much of the evening, but she doesn't enjoy movies much because she's lost some of her hearing the last couple of years) and then for drinks after. The drinks after feels daring to me; I usually can't stay out past 11. But there will be no babysitter waiting at home and no hurry to get up in the morning, so I can dance 'til 2 if I want, then sleep until noon tomorrow. And then a whole Saturday with no plans and no kids needing anything! I can order a whole pizza for dinner and have whatever I want on it; I can spend the day window-shopping at the mall with no one tugging on me and complaining about being bored. I could get used to this, I think. Pray with me that Sam can keep this nice kid-loving Michael around.
© Copyright 1997-2001 Su Penn. Design by David Dierauer.
