Genius Toiling in Obscurity

Nobody Can Tell What I Suffer

Nobody can tell what I suffer! But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied. --Mrs. Bennett

My taste buds are on the blink.

I'm not sure whether this is from being pregnant or from the steroids I'm taking, but at least some of my taste buds are broken. I can even feel the parts of my mouth that aren't working; it's weird to be only tasting things in some parts and not others. The result is sort of like looking at a computer monitor with the red channel dropped out. I think it makes me eat too much sometimes because food isn't very satisfying.

Just want to make sure everyone knows my stomach still hurts a lot.

Even though I haven't mentioned it in awhile.

My Braxton-Hicks contractions are sharp and painful, and have been for months.

But since I'm using them to practice my birth hypnosis, that's OK.

I have a tender spot on the front of my stomach because I can no longer reach my keyboard without hitting my stomach on the edge of my desk.

So far, the people in charge at my job have not chosen to make it easy for me to take time off when the baby is born.

But I have just sent a very plain-spoken e-mail to my boss and expect good results.

And if good results aren't forthcoming, I'm prepared to just quit, leaving them very unpleasantly in the lurch. I think when I tell them that, good results will come forth.

I have pregnancy-induced narcolepsy...

Yesterday I lay down to help Eric settle for his nap. I don't know how long it took him to fall asleep; it took me about ten seconds. We slept nearly three hours. I could have slept longer.

except when I can't sleep.

Like at night.

I have a bad cough I can't shake.

My doctor says I have no sign of infection or anything else bad, and that, being as I am pregnant, she prefers not to give me anything for a dry hacking cough that's doing no harm. "You'll just have to cough until you stop coughing," she says. I think that means I'm going to cough until the baby is born. When I was pregnant with Eric, I had a piercing that got sore. Not infected, just sore. For months, I worked on healing it, with no luck. As soon as he was born, it got better. My theory is that, in that case with the piercing and in this case with the cough, my body knows it's no big deal and is not going to waste resources on it until gestation is complete. But it's annoying in the meantime.

Coughing can make me throw up.

Or at least feel at serious risk of it.

I didn't develop stress incontinence in my first pregnancy.

And I haven't this time, either. Yet. But there are some weeks to go. And I'm coughing all the time.

I'm not nesting.

Things need to be done. I have no energy to do them. Last time, my blood disorder was not as well-managed, and the massive dose of prednisone I was put on with no ramping-up had me jazzed like a coke-head for about three weeks until I adjusted. It was a very productive time. This time, that hasn't happened. Nor has any natural nesting instinct kicked in.

I have washed the baby clothes. They are in three stacked laundry baskets piled in the crib. I can't believe this is the best system possible. But it may be what we have to work with in the early weeks.

Fortunately, as David can attest, my naturally optimistic and resiliant temperament makes me take all this in stride, and I am a strength and an inspiration to those I love.

Posted by Su Penn at March 11, 2004 09:47 PM | TrackBack