A common complaint among parents is that their parenting is observed and criticized by strangers in public places. Just yesterday, someone asked me as we were leaving a store whether I didn't have a coat for my son. "He doesn't like to wear a coat," I answered, but I don't think she approved of my dashing to the car with a coatless two-year-old on a November afternoon, no matter how sunny and windless.
And a recent playground encounter, during which a woman told her son, in reference to my son, that "some kids just aren't as well-behaved as we are," still rankles.
But today the opposite happened. We were on an all-family outing to Target for an assortment of essentials, and just after we got inside David and I realized we had left the shopping list in the car. David dashed back out to get it, while Eric and I hung out in the front aisle waiting for him.
We had collected two carts in anticipation of buying a lot (and because by the time we dump all our coats, bags, water bottles, sippy cups, stuffed friends who just had to come in, too, and the child himself into a cart, it's pretty much useless for hauling purchases). As we waited, Eric pointed to the handle of one cart and said, "That's cold." He pointed to the other and said, "That's warm." I looked at the two handles, and saw that the one he had identified as "cold" had lost its colored-plastic cover. I said, "Actually, both handles are quite warm, because they were both inside the store. But I see that this one is just metal, and that one has a plastic cover on it. Maybe that's why you thought the one would be cold."
An older gentleman who had been standing nearby came over and said, "I've been listening to you. He's a smart kid, and you're a good teacher."
I said, "He does ask some awfully good questions sometimes."
The gentleman looked at Eric and said, "He's a fine-looking boy. And a precious bundle. But I don't need to tell you that!"
I said, "No, you don't."
He said, "You're precious, too. I'm a full-time grandfather. I know these things." And he patted my arm and went on his way.
You can imagine how warm this made me feel. But I hope it was nice for the old gentleman, too. I know that I often come home from public places burdened by having seen parents and children in distress. On one of the parenting bulletin boards I used to frequent, "I saw the saddest thing today..." was a common theme, and I stopped reading those threads because we all know there are lots of parents out there getting it wrong, for various reasons, and it doesn't do to dwell on the details of situations we are powerless to change. I like it when I come home thinking, "I saw a mom and kid who were really enjoying each other today," or "I saw somebody do some really terrific parenting in a difficult situation." Maybe today I managed to be that heartening good mom for a person who obviously feels deeply about small children.
Posted by Su Penn at November 9, 2003 06:38 PM | TrackBack