I've been struggling the last three days with an ever-dwindling milk supply, despite pumping as often as every 90 minutes. Eric continues to make good progress at efforts to nurse, but I'm afraid I'm going to lose my milk before we can get it together. Tonight the lactation consultant gave us some new pumping equipment she hoped would help, bigger breast bugles for the old pump in case my milk production areas are farther away from the nipples than we thought, and a whole second pump which is supposed to be a stronger pumper than the first one. it's 4:30 a.m. now, and I just pumped and got literally nothing with the second pump--it's just not strong enough to draw any milk out.
The problem may be simply that the pumps are not stimulating enough to my breasts, though I don't understand why pumping would have been fine for two weeks and then suddenly not be fine anymore.
I also started on fenugreek today, an herbal supplement. There's a prescription drug that helps milk production--it's an anti-nausea drug, how's that for ironic. But I can't take it because it's related to compazine, to which I had that terrible reaction. So it's this funky spice that smells like maple syrup (and makes my urine and sweat smell that way, too). Hopefully we'll see results from it in a day or two.
Meanwhile, I am pumping and pumping on breasts that are nearly empty, and using up the milk I froze two weeks ago, and facing the prospect of supplementing with formula starting later today or tomorrow depending on whether I can get anything out of my breasts or not. Yesterday I managed to pump about 7 ounces altogether (down from about 12, which is also about what Eric is eating a day) but I don't know what will come out today. It's mysterious, rare, and strange that my milk should be declining while I'm pumping so often (as often as 11 times in a 24-hour period).
It's also being very hard emotionally. The physical regimen is OK, especially since I've pretty much given up on doing anything else but pump, feed the baby, and sleep. I can do the physical regimen as long as necessary. But it distresses me enormously every time I pump and get 5 or 10 ccs, and I feel enormously grieved at the prospect of failing to breastfeed--especially since Eric is so close to figuring it out. After working so hard for so long, and watching Eric make such terrific progress, it's going to break my heart if we can't breastfeed because I lost my milk supply.
I try to be calm, and know that I am doing everything I can: pumping often, resting, taking my fenugreek. And in between pumping sessions, I can be OK. But it's impossible for me to pump an empty breast and not feel terrible. I don't know if I can handle it emotionally for much longer, but at the same time I feel devastated at the thought of giving him a bottle. I'm not even sure I could bring myself to do it, even though I know I've done absolutely everything possible to establish breastfeeding and keep my milk supply up. I've done a terrific job, which in a way only makes this harder.
One thing I have done today that has helped is made sure to take time to just be with Eric, either when he's sleeping or when he's awake and looking around. I have been so busy with pumping and feeding him that I wasn't getting much of that kind of time (though David has been spending lots of time with him, so Eric has been plenty loved and stimulated. And, of course, feeding him is quality time). Eric is doing terrifically well, though his weight gain last week was on the low end of normal. But he has just about doubled the amount of food he takes in a feeding, he sleeps 4 hours at a stretch at night, and he gets more and more engaged in the world around him. He loves his pictures, and he loves to gaze into faces, and he loves to be held. And he almost never fusses except when hungry, and occasionally very mildly when he's ready to go to sleep and would really like to be held and have a finger to suck on while he drops off.
Picture me pumping and weeping and you'll have a pretty good idea of how my days are going. I'll let you know how things go the next couple of days as I pump pump pump and take a million daily capsules of fenugreek.
Hold me in the light.
Posted by Su Penn at June 14, 2003 09:54 AM | TrackBack